Get Rid of Loneliness Forever!

Loneliness is at an all-time high. The Surgeon General of the U.S., Dr. Vivek Murthy, issued a report calling this a crisis and linking loneliness to all manner of diseases including hypertension, cardiac problems and diabetes. Lonely people have shorter life expectancies and a poorer experience of life.

What I am bout to share with you will cause some hackles to rise and generate a lot of pushback.

But pay attention anyway and think about it seriously.

We do not have a ‘loneliness’ problem. We have an unbridled ‘mental chatter’ problem.

When we feel lonely, our mental chatter is raging at high velocity. “Why do I have no friends? Why does no one call me? Joe is always out with friends, and everybody seems to know him and wants to be with him. Why aren’t I like that? Why am I not in a relationship? I try so hard, but nobody wants to come on a second date with me. What’s wrong with me?....”

And the general advice given to lonely people is to go outward.

Nobody interested in you? You should show interest in others and gradually relationships will develop.

Join churches, meditation groups, book clubs, yoga classes etc. Invite friends over to talk or watch a movie. Get out there and be social.

The truth is that we do not need anybody to make us feel complete. But we have spent a lifetime believing that someone else – spouse, children, relatives, fans, social media contacts – can fill that gaping void in us.

This is how society has conditioned us, and we have never examined it critically. Jesus spent forty days and nights by himself in silent contemplation. Many religious orders encourage members to spend long periods away from society and in silent contemplation. Ramana Maharshi, after he came to Tiruvannamalai, did not talk to a soul for years.

So, should you withdraw into yourself and try to kid yourself that you don’t need company?

No, you should not. 

The reason is practical. You will not succeed.

So, what should you do?

Continue making the outreach the experts advise. Join clubs and MeetUp groups. Explore hobbies or cultivate a new one. Try improv classes. Join Toastmasters.

But as you do all this, keep it in mind that the real problem is your mental chatter and faulty mental models. Great masters, through the ages, have asserted that quiet solitude is an aid to spiritual growth.

Gradually, gradually, very slowly, you will come to a place where you are alone. But you are not lonely. 

When you are with people, you enjoy their company. When there are no people, you are perfectly at peace by yourself.

Try it!

Peace!