I Want To Grow. No, You Don't!

I received many responses to my last blog.

A dear friend wrote:

“When I think of my purpose as simply ‘being’ ... well, it's not so inspiring to me and doesn't seem very fulfilling. If I was to simply sit somewhere or walk somewhere and ‘be’, I may be fulfilling my ‘purpose’, according to your message. But I'm pretty sure I would be bored beyond imagination. It is much more enjoyable to be constantly growing, learning, expanding, and experiencing new experiences. Perhaps your audience will resonate with your message ‘to be’. But I am guessing there will be some people who, like me, don't resonate with this suggestion much. And, seeing as we have a choice when it comes to how we spend our time during this human experience, I'm pretty sure if I focus on ‘being’, I'll at least want to be simultaneously learning, growing, expanding, and helping others in some way. So, I wonder what your thoughts are on this.

“Also -- I have zero interest in ‘changing the world’. That is too anonymous and, in my view, and yes, as you mentioned, wrapped up in ego. However, there have been individuals I have helped in various ways, and they have told me that I've made a big difference in their life. This is not something I ‘tried’ to do or even set out to do. But by naturally helping them in different ways, that was the result. And I'm very happy to have been a beneficial presence in their life. And this -- being a beneficial presence -- is something I aspire to be with as many people as I cross paths with. I feel good when I'm able to help someone.”

There is a raft of coaches who proclaim that you need to ‘grow’. In fact, the ‘purpose’ of existence is to ‘grow’. You should expose yourself to all kinds of experiences and push yourself out of your comfort zone because this is the only way to ‘grow’ and ‘realize your potential’.

What I am about to share with you is a flat-out contradiction of this well-meaning advice.

If it does not sit well with you, please ignore the rest of this blog and go about your life.

If it resonates with you, then email me back letting me know.

What you really want is to be happy. You want joy in your life and this joy should be unconditional and it should be everlasting.

We suffer every day in ways big and small. We struggle to pay our bills. We get warm toast at breakfast, but the pats of butter are frozen solid and the butter will not spread. The ketchup will not pour. We pull into the perfect parking spot and brake because some idiot has left a shopping cart in the middle. We go to the coffee machine at our office and the pot is empty. So we have to pour out the dregs and wait for a new pot to brew.

Dozens of such happenings dampen each day and we cope with them in various ways. We ignore them. We reframe each event as an opportunity to practice strength and resilience. We get angry and vent. We get frustrated and seek distraction in entertainment, alcohol, controlled substances, sex, sports and other avenues. The ways of coping are numerous. Some serve us well. Many do not.

One coping mechanism is our attempt to ‘grow’. We expose ourselves to ‘new’ ideas and experiences. We increase our knowledge base.

And this makes us feel better about our human condition.

This is temporary solace. It gives you some relief, but it does not cure the problem.

The striving for ‘growth’ is an affirmation that you need to be something other than who you think you are.

This is the original illusion.

You are not the body-mind-intellect complex you think you are. You are Awareness and that is all that exists. Your job is to become embedded in this realization.

And the way to do that is to constantly enquire “Who am I?”

This is an inward journey, and it is a rest-of-your-life journey.

When you seek ‘growth’ through knowledge and experience, your mind is taking you to external places and away from the source of lasting joy. Yes, you will get a temporary thrill, but then you go back to where you were and repeat the cycle.

Myself when young did eagerly frequent

Doctor and saint and heard great argument

About it and about: but evermore

Came out by the same door as in I went.

– Omar Khayyam

So go on your journey like the river that is constantly flowing. The river does not ‘die’ when it reaches the ocean. The river becomes the ocean.

Many people will be helped by what you do or say. Acknowledge their gratitude but know that this help did not come from you – it came through you. It is the universe using you as an instrument. You are the UPS guy. You deliver the package, but the package came from somewhere else.

Peace!