Stop Sabotaging Yourself. Stop Now!

What would you do if you had a friend who slipped into a gloomy, depressed state every day? You care for this friend and know he has many good qualities. He can do much good – to himself, his family and the world. But so much of his life is taken up with dealing with his peculiar, deadly habit that his potential is largely unrealized.

That friend is YOU!

Can you relate to Pedro?

Pedro was rushing to the office. He was late and was slated for an important part of a presentation. And he suspected that, behind his back, his colleagues wanted him to trip. His thoughts were raging as he breasted the heavy pedestrian traffic.

“I’ve done it again. Why do I never get these simple things right? I meant to get to the conference room fifteen minutes early so I had plenty of time to set up and now I may not even make it in time to start when called on.

Good thing I sent my slides over yesterday. What do I do if they have not been loaded? I should have checked with Pam about this. Why do I always screw up like this? I bet the others think I am the ‘token’ minority and are sniggering at all the fool mistakes I make. I thought I was as good as any of them but if I keep fouling up like this I’ll never get a chance to prove it.

And, does the very fact that I make these gaffes indicate that I am not that good? After all, how tough is it to set my iPhone beeper to go off fifteen minutes earlier?

Pedro has an internal voice telling him off. You have one too!

How many times has this voice told you that you are ‘not good enough’? That someone else is way better than you in intelligence, good looks, physical attractiveness and earning potential? That you will never be able to do as well as someone you know of?

We talk to ourselves all the time. Much of the time we run ourselves down. We compare ourselves unfavorably to others. We pass judgment without hesitation. We criticize our weight, our performance, our ability to maintain relationships and our station in life.

We are, metaphorically, slashing our wrists every day. And we do not realize how much this habit is hampering us. It prevents us from being happy. It keeps us from even beginning to realize our potential.

It is our single worst enemy.

But there is something you can do about this. You cannot slay this enemy but you can effectively tie him up.

The way to do that is actually quite simple. It is not easy.

You have to step back right away when you notice that your mental chatter has grabbed you by the throat and is taking you to dark places you do not wish to go. Become the observer of the chatter rather than the poor slob who has become the chatter.

When you become the observer, the chatter loses much of its power to drag you with it. One of my coaching clients was in a heated exchange with a senior member of his team. He remembered to become the observer and saw his red face and emotional outburst. It became so funny that he burst out laughing. The other executive was nonplussed but eventually also started smiling. And they worked out a satisfactory compromise.

The key is that you have to do this immediately. Otherwise you will not have the power to become the observer.

Try it. It really works.

Peace!